WHAT WILL WE DO (OR SAY) WITHOUT THE PENNY?

John Regitko of Toronto, Canada writes:

MY OPENING SHOT
Much has been written about the phasing out of the lowest denomination of currency we have in North America. What will happen when the lowly cent/penny is discontinued? For one thing, we will have to revise some phrases and titles. For example:

- A nickel for your thoughts
- Nickel wise, euro foolish
- Nickels from Heaven
- A nickel saved is a nickel earned
- If you save nickels, the dollars will save themselves
- My two nickels worth
- Let’s play nickel-ante
- Spend a nickel
- You are like a bad nickel
- Nickel pincher
- Haven’t got a nickel to my name
- In for a nickel, in for a euro
- Pretty nickel
- Lucky nickel

Until hyper-inflation kicks in, “a buck stops here,” “a quick (or fast) buck,” “a fool and his money are soon parted,” “can you spare a dime,” “sound as a dollar,” “you look like a million dollars” and “million dollar baby” are safe, to coin a phrase. How about buck naked (Toonie naked?). I wonder if I will have more money than I know what to do with?

Until they discontinue money entirely, “cash cow,” “making money hand over fist,” “time is money,” “another day another dollar,” “bet your bottom dollar,” “blood money,” “broke the bank” “raking in the money,“ “not worth a plug nickel,” “dime a dozen” and “laugh all the way to the bank” are also safe. But then we might have to “buy something for a song.” Or use a “non-cash cow.” You won’t be able to “cash in your chips.” You won’t have “two nickels to rub together.” I wonder what a “king’s ransom” will consist of? Maybe you will be able to “lose your shirt” after all. Money won’t “burn a hole in your pocket,” or “buy you happiness.” I wonder what will grow on trees? There will be no money grubbing people around that are money hungry. We will have to find something else to be the root of all evil. And what will make the world go round? What will you put where your mouth is? What will you roll in if not the dough? What will you “sell out” with? What will you show if not the money? Maybe small potatoes? What will you stretch if not a dollar? What will you sweeten the pot with? You will have to be a tight wad with something else. I would buy into that.

You won’t be able to turn on a dime. What will time be if not money? That’s the $64,000 question! I just hope there will be no hell to pay. But it doesn’t matter, because money can’t buy you happiness, I am told. And you can bank on that. You might have to take wooden nickels whether people tell you to take them or not. And I’ll bet you even money on that (who is this guy named Even Stevens anyway?). Maybe the silver lining on every dark cloud will be worth something. Or fool’s gold. I wonder what I won’t have if I go to the poor house with only my heart of gold. And highway robbery has pretty well stopped. I’ll bet dollars to a donut on that.

The phrase “drop a dime” has been outdated for a long time. “Drop a quarter” doesn’t work any more either, with “drop six bits” the norm these days, thanks to Ma Bell.

Maybe we will revert back to the gold standard and actually use gold. You know, the stuff that is in them thar hills. That idea might be worth its weight in gold. Then we will have actual gold diggers. By the same token, there is no such thing as a free lunch. I just hope it won’t be too rich for my blood. I don’t want to up the ante too much. It might be the best thing since sliced bread. You can bet your bottom dollar on that. You might actually bring home the bacon. Or buy something for a song. You might want to buy the farm. Dirt cheap might take on a more meaningful meaning. I wonder what it would be that you need to be considered being filthy rich? Maybe the dirt on the farm you bought. Just don’t be a day late and a dollar short.

But one thing we can be sure of: the times they are a changing – especially the change in your pocket if they discontinue the cent.

To read the earlier E-Sylum article, see:
PREDICTING THE NUMISMATIC FUTURE (www.coinbooks.org/esylum_v19n04a14.html)

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